Life's vortex

My life is a rollercoaster! My emotions go up and down and around again. It feels like being in a loop and yet it feels like a new step. My feelings are totally normal in the current situation. My boss decided not to go further with me, I decided to start working on myself with a psychologist again and now I am looking forward to a hopefully cheerful Christmas. It seems like The Secret of other common books: that the feeling that lives in you comes around. I was heading for changes in me and my environment is helping me a lot. Not only the decision made for me but also my friends and current colleagues are offering a listening ear and the shoulder to cry on.

The only lifetrap I seem to have in all my changework is myself. I tend to run away when things hurt, go too deep or touch my deeper self. I seem to be afraid of me, who I am. That also is the biggest question in my life for now. To quote Charlotte Church in her song Even God: Who am I is the questionmark. I could also quote the band l'Ame Immortelle (totally different flavour of music) for they wrote a song on Life's vortex. It means that life will keep repeating itself until you learned the lesson... Keep you posted!

Changes...

While the world is changing after the big revolutionary elections in the United States of America I am fighting my own fight on change. I learned that my biggest opponent in life will be me. Regardless of all the changes in the last 106 years that the new to become president Barack Obama referred to in his speach, I will have to be able to change myself. The slogan 'Yes, we can' could also be applied and turned in to 'Yes, I can', but it takes a lot of courage to say this.

As Obama said 100 years ago there were no cars and no planes. Al lot of changes were made in the many revolutions and now also black women are allowed to vote. This reminds me of the famous Dutch girl Aletta Jacobs. She had the guts to study Medicine amongst men and to change the world (at least in Holland) to accept women on Universities. Again this change was only possible because she had the courage to act against the opinions of others. To stand up for herself and keep believing in what she was standing for. For me it is sometimes really hard to keep believing in myself. Ok, I do not need to change the world, but it is already hard to change my very own little world. There are so many moments I feel insecure on what I am doing while I am often not showing. So I take life in little steps... one step first... The step that I take today is a little change in myself: try to get inspired by what others say on changes. My first step is to say: 'Yes, I can' to little things in life. Yes, I can make a small change. All it requires is looking at myself. With doing that I already change a lot!

Life is a journey...

Every journey starts with wishes, with goals, with plans... Some people say a journey starts with the first step you take... My first step is here today. I started a blog about myself and my journey in life. Today is a foggy day. It always gives a mysterious feeling to me. You will not know what comes next: sun or rain. The world seems to be in a fantasy world... and so do I. I still do not know how to start this journey, or how to proceed as the journey must have started the moment I was born. I feel a bit dreamy today. I want to take a nice cup of tea, a good book and sit in my couch dreaming away... but I have to work.